Made in His Image

Life has definitely been picking up in terms of busyness. I've started a few more design classes, which have been fun but a lot of work. I've also been learning a lot about my character through these design classes in particular. In our design classes, it's all about the crit...all your week's work is displayed up before everyone, and everyone gets to point out the good, the bad, and definitely the ugly. Since everyone's work is out in the open, there is definite comparing going on, and I see how my character is reflected in this activity ... that I hate it when others are better than me, and I revel in being better than others.

My long battle with pride in my life has crept up in this area, and I notice that it robs me of any joy and pleasure I might have in my creativity. One example was last week when we displayed our sketches and concepts for our intial logo. I was the last to go through the crit, but we have an opportunity to peruse everyone else's sketches before we start going through each individual's work.

I had my heart set on doing a concept that would work beautifully throughout the class. I did an entire section of my sketches dedicated to the concept, and even though we were only required to provide rough sketches, I was so motivated by this concept I had already went on the computer and provided more the refined ideas complete with type and diecuts.

Another student who had a small sketch of a similar idea to mine went ahead of me. She had more sketches of other concepts, but after we had finished her crit, she specifically pointed to the idea that was similar to mine and said how she could use diecuts, etc and if she could use that as her idea. I can't really tell you how much rage boiled in me after she said that. I felt positive she made that decision AFTER looking at my concepts and sketches. I could only hope that my more refined and plenteous sketches would vindicate me that this was MY idea. I decided then and there that she would be my enemy throughout the class.

During my crit, the teacher said that my concept was strong and encouraged me to go for it. I felt a little vindicated in that I felt more entitled to the concept than this other student. After class, I still felt angry, and I knew it coming before God. I asked Him to forgive me, and to continue to sanctify me in this area of my pride. That usually means a big lesson in getting humbled, which I don't look forward to. Arg. But I rejoice that I have such a God who guides and teaches me to rejoice in Him through my gifts and not in the gifts. for what do we possess that has not been given to us graciously by the Lord?